Fear the Crab

My dad expressed an interest in a sushi bar for the wedding reception. Turns out, however, that to get the sushi bar one has to arrange for a different dinner menu. We considered both selections and decided to stick with the original buffet. Even my dad said that he doesn’t want to sacrifice the whole meal just for sushi; it’d have been neat, but not important.

Maile and I will probably get the van when it comes in. Her old car will be used by Keoni for work-related purposes, until he’s established enough to keep paying for it. I think the functionality of the van will serve its purpose now without sacrificing future use, so it ends up being a good investment. It’s too bad the value drops dramatically once Maile drives it off the lot.

It feels like I am supposed to do something this week. I installed free Rainlendar software, which is basically an electronic planner that sits on your computer desktop. It’s kinda neat as far as its functionality, but there are some things that could be improved. For example, the alarm feature which notifies you of an upcoming event or task can be easily dismissed. I’d like it more if it needed a few more involved steps to dismiss, which would increase the chances of you actually doing what it is the program is reminding you to do!

I liken it to the alarm clock you put across the bedroom, forcing you to actually get up to turn it off.

Anyway, despite Rainlendar, I still feel like I’m forgetting to do something.

I have veggie stixs. They’re supposed to be good for me. Maybe I will eat the whole bag for lunch.

Maile and I were looking at a new car. A minivan, to be specific. 2007 Toyota Sienna LE, if you want more details.

We can afford it because we’ve saved enough to pay for it in cash, options and accessories inclusive. Maile needs a new car as her current automobile is on the razor’s edge; it works.. for now. Plus, the minivan provides functionality as far as cargo room, passenger capability (we’re looking at the 7-passenger variant), and some comfort. Maile likes the space and finds it easy to get in and out of the vehicle.

The model we’re looking at has dual power sliding doors, each with its own power window. Something I had never heard of in a van, though now that it’s there I wonder why it was never offered as standard. The driver’s console is useful and allows for easy access without compromising attention to the road. Passengers don’t have much in terms of distractions (no rear dvd player or nothing), but living in Hawaii does not imply long road trips.

The question thus remains, should we get the van now or wait? The specific van Maile wants won’t arrive until sometime later this month, so we just put a deposit to secure its purchase, and we have the option of declining with full refund. Getting it now wouldn’t hurt us financially, and Maile will be comfortable in the fact that as a new car, it won’t be prone to breakdowns immediately. Or, I should say, the chances are decreased dramatically.

Even with our upcoming wedding, the cost of the van would not impact the cost of the ceremony and reception, because we’ve already allocated funds for those. Whatever shortfall there is will be covered by our work income, which Maile is already receiving.

The one big thing that would factor against getting the van now would be Maile’s statement that her old car would be given to her brother, under the condition that he is able to afford it. That is, he has enough income to pay for its insurance, registration, safety checks, and whatever maintenance is required. That was the arrangement made by the family, and as of now I do not know whether Keoni is able to do it right away. It may take him some time, beyond the date the minivan is expected to arrive.

If we get the van anyway, what will we do with Maile’s old car? If Keoni can’t afford it, will the old car just sit in the carport?

I browsed through Kim and Philip’s registry and found myself staring at one item in particular. Chili bowls, extra large. “A Williams-Sonoma exclusive.”

These days it seems everything keeps getting more and more specific as far as its intended use. Time was, you only had one fork with which to skewer food (we don’t need to go further back and argue about the proper table etiquette of eating mutton with your hands). Now you have salad forks of differing size, or in the case of very lazy restaurants, two identical forks, with manners dictating that it is the outside fork to be used for salads.

So it was with plates and bowls. I would have one bowl for my rice, my gruel, and my water. If I were really practical, I’d also use it for my haircut. Now it seems we have bowls for chili, with maybe an alternate use for casserole or some kind of hot soup. I do not doubt the effectiveness of such bowl-ware in keeping hot foodstuffs hot. I merely wonder at the marketing genius it took to try and milk the common consumer of more money.

“Ah, I see you are interested in our exclusive and finely-crafted chili bowls, of the extra large variety. Those go great with stews, too. Only $25.95!”

“Oh, these are chili bowls? I just wanted something to eat my cereal in.”

“Then you want our exquisite line of breakfast bowls, imported from France. If you buy them today, you can cash in on a sweet deal of 6 for $39.95. That’s 4 dollars off from the regular price of $35.95!”

Seems like everything these days is separated and categorized further and further into tiny pigeonholes, and it all seems to warrant different price tags. Soon you’ll have customized and specific tines on your fork.

“Eat your salad. No, wrong tine. That’s for seafood, dear. Honey, talk to your kid. I spent $14.99 on salad tines, the least you could do is use them properly.”

Wedding reception programs are a curious thing. I have attended numerous receptions here and they have all followed the same format. It starts with the receiving line where the bridal party greets each guest, then cocktails and pupus (appetizers for some of your, hors d’oeuvres for the rest). The bridal party is introduced and is seated, some speeches are made. Everybody eats food! More speeches. Wedding cake cutting. Maybe a sappy slideshow. Speech given by bride and groom. Banzai toast given by drunk uncles. First dance, then money train.

Every wedding reception I’ve gone to has followed this format. Now that I am planning my own, I discover that this isn’t necessarily the standard. For starters, it seems the first dance is often held first, after the speeches. Someone told me the money train was a Filipino wedding tradition (I’m still going to have it!).

Granted, some of this comes from sources whose knowledge is based on their own experiences, so perhaps the sequences are just what they are used to. Nothing indicates that I HAVE to follow a particular pattern.

However, I do need to remember and make sure that all the primary players know this schedule. It wouldn’t do to have the band play the song for the first dance before dinner.

Out of all the details involved in planning a wedding, I think the guest list and table seating are probably the most excruciating, white-hair-producing, early-death-inducing pieces of work ever to plague the existence of Man.

Some guests are easy to fit into the program. The immediate family of the bridal party are shoo-ins, of course. Close aunts and uncles can be included, at least as much as their relational proximity to the bride and groom allow.

After a certain point, economics start to kick in. It is amazing how many relatives and friends pop out of the woodwork, and as time goes on the chance of spouses and children being added to the picture increases. Now one is faced with having to decide if spending $50.00-$70.00 per person for food is worth sending an invitation. Just how close is this friend? Do we invite the kids, or just the parents? If we only invite the parents, how would they feel if they see someone else’s kids in attendance?

Some people recommend using an approximate window of one year of contact; if you haven’t spoken to them in that time, they don’t need to be invited. I myself don’t hold to that philosophy, only because I sometimes don’t talk to my brother within a year. It doesn’t mean we’re not close; we just talk only when we feel like it, and if it happens to be a week, a month, or a decade in-between, so be it.

Instead I hold to the concept that if said invitee had something to do with shaping me into the person I am today (for better, of course), then they should be in attendance. Well, to clarify, they should be asked to attend, and accounted for in the wedding budget. Whether or not they do show up is entirely up to them, though I’d hope they’d send a reply to indicate such.

One thing that no one mentions is that a guest list should be drawn up with the intent that it will account for everyone showing up. If you invite 200 people to your reception, you have to work under the assumption that all 200 will arrive. Often I think some couples send invitations with the knowledge that the person will not attend because of a variety of reasons. The invitation is sent out merely because it’s considered the polite thing to do.

And speaking of the polite thing to do, no one ever says anything about who exactly should receive an invitation. How does the politics of weddings work when it comes to co-workers, classmates, and friends? If you invite one co-worker, does that mean you should invite all?

Sometimes it’s not so obvious who gets an invite and who doesn’t need to. Do you send to the household, or to the individual families? Take, as an example, a house where the child lives with the parents, but the child is an adult (maybe with their own child). Do both parties receive an invitation, or is only one sent to the house? I’m inclined to believe that two invitations would need to be sent, based on the idea that it is almost like two separate families that just so happen to live under the same roof. I’d hold to that same principle regarding grandparents living with their kids.

It’s Friday, and I’ve only been at work for three hours.

Now that The Folks have taken it upon themselves to spend cash, they’ve also asked for the inclusion of other guests, such as my neighbors. My neighbors have been with me since childhood, so it is the right thing to do. I initially wasn’t going to invite them because of costs, just like I wasn’t going to invite many from the continent.

Well, now I can. The neighbors are in, and so are my friends. We still don’t want to let things get too out-of-hand, however, so I still expect to see the guest list top off at 185 or so. Actually, maybe if we cut it down to 175, that’d be good. I know I’m not paying for the food anymore, but that’s not a reason to go helly-welly with the freebies.

As far as the rest of the wedding goes, I think most things are secured. We’ve got the officiant, the ceremony musician, and a band for the reception. The photographer is booked, and the florist has reserved the day for us. Maile’s dress decision won’t be made until September, but since we have the backup dress, it’s pretty much guaranteed that she’s going to wear something nice. For things like the wedding bands, favors, and invitations, we know who we are going through, and it is not critical at this point to secure any dates.

What remains now are the little details. We need to talk with the officiant about what vows we want and the ceremony sequence. The musicians need to know what music to play. The florist needs to know what colors and arrangements are needed. All the specific details must be hammered out, but it’s a lot easier now, knowing they’re already set and are just waiting.

Sometimes it feels like I’m getting married next week.

The Folks have offered to pay for the hotel for the wedding, which basically includes the reception, ceremony site rental, and parking. In exchange, they want to set the menu. So, happy day. That’s a good $13k off my back.

Just came off a weekend of sniffling and feeling miserable. I got better on Wednesday, and today I came back to work and the joyous drudgery continues!

I was too tired to pack my lunch, so I ate popcorn and cereal bars.

I want to sleep, to take a nap and dream. Actually, I don’t need the dream, just the nap.

Toured the Hyatt facilities yesterday afternoon. The catering manager met with us to give a brief rundown of the area, where things would be set up, where people will go and where they’ll stand. Also got a rough idea of the floor plan, plus the alternate ceremony site in case of rain.

Actually, the alternate site looks a lot better. The primary site is on a terrace overlooking the beach, with a white lattice gazebo, white chairs, and white carpet runner. We were lucky because there was going to be a wedding that night, so everything was already set up. The bridal party would enter from behind the hotel’s large waterfall, cross a pedestrian bridge (the terrace is on the third floor, and the hotel has a large open area in the middle), and proceed down the aisle.

The problem is that the location is right next to the pool and pool bar. The jacuzzi has front-row seating, though I was informed that it would be closed and covered at the time of the ceremony. On the other side is a restaurant with outdoor patio, and right below us is the busy street of buses, taxis, loud radios, and the occasional ambulance (I should have known about the street, though). So I can get married next to fat men in speedos!

In comparison, the alternate site is indoors, situated right next to the banquet hall so it is very close. It is actually a part of the banquet hall that’s closed off with those standard banquet hall dividers. The room is air-conditioned and is bigger than the outdoor site in terms of the number of people it can seat. It’s true that we won’t get the “scenic” ambiance and outdoor lighting, but in addition to the cons listed above, there was one thing that really convinced me to pursue the indoor location.

Big-ass pigeon sitting on top of the lattice gazebo (“There’s a reason why gazebos are white!”).

Still have to inform the hotel about the change in location, but it shouldn’t be too much of a hassle because the alternate site is already reserved for us.

I also discovered more information about the reception buffet, in particular the details surrounding alcohol service. The hotel contract and printed material was rather vague on things, and left me with the perception of only two choices: everyone pays for their own drinks, or I pay an hourly rate determined by head count.

Thankfully the catering manager clarified these things. I do have the option of a hosted bar, meaning that basically I pick up the tab. I can also set a cap on how much alcohol will be served. Let’s say that I decide to limit service to $2,000. Once that amount is reached, I can decide then if I want to extend the limit, change policy to have guests buy their own, or stop alcohol service all-together. I can even select the alcohol to serve, such as only having domestic beer and house wine, or going for the imported beers and premium liquors. The $2k would also include any sodas I decide to have, but juice would be covered by the punch station so I don’t have to worry about that. I figure $2k is a decent-enough amount, given that the reception is on a Sunday.

With the reductions in reception costs (Maile also knocked the guest list down to 160), it comes out to approximately $11k after taxes and service charges (20%!), but before any discounts are applied. That amount qualifies us for “Level Two” gifts from the hotel, which include a free room in the penthouse suite, ten parking passes, and a three-tier wedding cake. Sunday weddings give us a “Level Upgrade” as a bonus, bumping us to Level Three for an additional night in the penthouse, plus ten more parking passes.

Those twenty parking passes will come in handy, since it costs $5 to self-park and $8 for valet service. I’d like to pay for everyone’s parking, so the more “free” parking I can get, the better. I can’t begin to guess how many people would drive, but if I base it off the number of invitations (which comes to 64), I might see parking costs upwards of $500 or more. 20 passes would knock that down to $370, which is a lot more reasonable.

Hopefully the total cost won’t go over $20,000. We don’t have any quotes regarding flowers, dresses, hair and makeup, or stationary, and estimated costs as of now is $18.9k. I know the dress will probably be expensive, perhaps $2,000. If we do our own stationary, we would save significantly there, and the hair and makeup fees would be discounted because we would have family do it. The flowers become key, because I have no idea what an average cost for flowers would be. The price varies widely because of selection, arrangement, and quantity.

Thankfully we have family that is willing to chip in on portions of the budget. I think Maile’s mom is going to buy the dress, and my folks have expressed a desire to help pay for the reception. While those are savings on my end, I still want to keep the wedding around the $20k mark, using that figure as a total, not what I personally end up paying.

So I’m thinking of cutting out some parts of my wedding guest list. With the buffet at $47 a head, and with the list close to 175 people, the prices were starting to look a little steep.

Trouble is, I didn’t have many people on my list in the first place. I cut out my personal friends on the continent, plus some old friends from the old workplace that I haven’t spoken to in years, and I only got the list down to 160. It’s hard because these are the people who’ve contributed to what I am today, and they are the first of my friends whom I would have liked to be in attendance. Some of them know Maile, too.

EDIT: Actually, the list is back up to 164. I forgot to add myself and Maile (because we have to eat, too!), as well as two more people from The Lab.

Still, less people on the list means less of a body count in the buffet line, which would substantially decrease the overall cost of food and beverage. Plus, we don’t need to make as many invitations, which can mean a significant reduction of about $100.

In other areas, I might have to push for recorded entertainment. The hotel will let me hook up my iPod to their sound system for $40, which is 10x less than the cheapest live DJ. I can fill up a playlist with the songs I want and let it run on shuffle, and when it comes time to actually play a specific song, I could delegate some volunteer to be in charge of that (since the iPod still plays as you’re searching for the song).

I also think I will have to reduce the time the bar remains open. I looked at the cost for 4 hours of operation (1730-2130), and I could save over $1k if I cut it down to 3 (so it ends at 2030 instead). It’s a Sunday buffet, so I don’t think many people will want to drink as late anyway. Of course, I could go even cheaper and require everyone to buy their own alcohol…

What worries me, though, is the fact that we still haven’t accounted for other costs, like flowers, hair & makeup for the bride, and even the wedding bands. The three-thousand dollars I “saved” may just go back in, though I admit it would still be slightly better.

I think we might seriously have to take out a loan. The thing is, I don’t want to get a loan and then start “upgrading” the wedding just because we suddenly have an influx of funds. I don’t want to get into the mindset that now I can afford to bring in my elementary school classmates, or the nice principal from Tuba City High. I don’t want to think that I could get a comedy team to perform at the reception, or a 10-piece big band with award-winning crooner.

I would rather make the wedding as minimal as possible whilst retaining some manner of elegance (because it’s for her), even if it means those in attendance don’t get what they’re used to getting (like a live band), or the invitations don’t have a map or directions.

There are other costs looming on the horizon; I can see them, and they think I’m pretty enough to eat.

I just finished writing a check for $1000.00. It is for a non-refundable deposit at the Hyatt Regency Waikiki, where I will be having a dinner reception. I don’t know if it’s the sudden loss of one thousand dollars or the fact that it’s non-refundable, but I am left with a big empty feeling in my heart. Strange, no? Why am I paying $1k? It’s for a wedding reception. I am getting married next April.

Surprise!

It will be held on Sunday, 6 April 2008. Maile and I initially wanted August 8 because it symbolized triple prosperity (quadruple if you consider we have been together for 8 years). However, it seems everyone else on the island is shooting for that date, because by the time we got around to checking availability (maybe a month ago), everywhere was booked. Those places that weren’t booked had a strict policy of not accepting reservations longer than a year in advance, meaning we’d have to wait until August of this year to get August of next. Or, they had the location open for a ceremony, but no place to hold a reception. Or, they had plenty of room for a reception, but only for lunch, and since 8/8/08 is a Friday not too many of our friends and family can make it to lunch.

We’ll have to be happy with double prosperity for the date we decided upon. 2008 ends in an 8 and is a multiple of 8 (by 251, in case you didn’t know. I didn’t; I had to look it up), and see reference to how long we’ve been together for bonus. We started dating 5 April 2000, so it’s only one day removed from the anniversary. Some significance there, I think. A Sunday means weekend, which means more people would attend. It also means some people will go to work the next day, so alcohol prices will decrease for some nice savings! Plus, the Hyatt gives a 5% discount on food and beverage, plus some extra comps for Sunday/weekday weddings.

Contrary to popular belief, the bride is not the one who is coordinating things. That duty has been volunteered upon my cousin Melanie, who takes a particularly masochistic delight in wedding plans. I would not venture to guess where she gets this excited energy for something so.. I don’t know, particular? I think I would be the first mate in manning the ship of wedding designs, since I have been designated to handle most of the decisions. Mel does all the research and I choose what to go with. Mel finds available locations and I decide where. I also make phone calls inquiring about availability of officiants, musicians, and stationary. Mel is checking on flowers.

Maile plays Bratz on the Gamecube and takes Lucky to the dog park.

Now, this picture is oversimplified; Maile has to make a few decisions, after all. And I’m not totally in control of everything, nor would I want to be. However, my lust for knowledge compels me to try and know the itty-bitty details of the wedding ceremony and subsequent reception, and it is here that I am introduced into the diabolical world of the wedding business.

Bunch of blood-sucking leeches, the lot!

Time was, a wedding was a simple affair. Show up at a place wearing nice clothes, say your lines, eat some food, congratulations you are wed. Now, you have to book your venue, often times the same location, but other times two separate bookings for the ceremony and reception. You have to book the photographer, you have to book the officiant, you have to book the entertainment, and oh no the photographer isn’t available that day is there another date we can book the ceremony no the date is blocked by another function and what do you mean there’s a convention that weekend?

Madness, I tell you. In addition to the big things like the ceremony, there are invitations to create, favors for your guests, the cake, flowers, hair/makeup, and the clothes. And each of these things (above included) there are individual vendors you have to go through. Granted, some are more easily worked in than others (I haven’t heard of a printing company that would refuse to make last-minute invitations), but each of these aspects incurs individual costs. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a vendor who would offer to cut your wedding cake and serve it to the guests. Speaking of which, some places charge you to use a cake knife!

After all is said and done, I’m looking at over $20k. I’m just going to sit a while and stare at that number.