Fear the Crab

I don’t actually know if what I’m suffering are migraines, but they’re really painful headaches nonetheless. Seems there are a number of causes and nobody can really pinpoint the exact one, so perhaps it is a combination of many factors.

Things like my sinuses. Since I have allergies, it’s likely any outbreak of pollen or roach poo or volcanic fog plug up my sinuses, which applies pressure and leads to a headache.

Or muscle tension, maybe associated with stress. Perhaps it’s the wedding plans, the budget concerns, or all these little decisions that need to be made.

Maybe it’s the fucking table seating chart.

If it’s one thing I’ve started to appreciate, it is the timeliness of a reply. Immediate RSVPs make a world of difference when it comes to planning a party. From now on, I’m sending in RSVPs as soon as possible. It is a lot easier to make a table of 10 when you know exactly who is coming. When you don’t get an RSVP, you spend days wondering if the guest will attend, how many people are attending (in the case they don’t bring along someone), and whether you can fit total strangers onto one table in the event they don’t attend.

It’s the strangers part that stresses me the most. I’m fairly certain a good number of my guests can get along with, entertain, and be entertained by people they’ve never met. Usually those people are more expressive, outgoing, and secure in themselves that they can talk to anybody.

However, there are some groupings where I have no idea what to expect from the people there. I’m not as familiar with their personalities (and some I’ve never even met), and aside from the typical “Which side of the family are you from?” questions, I don’t know what they will talk about.

In other news, I’m collecting old photos of myself and family, to use in the video slideshow. After two weeks of nothing, the videographer finally replied to answer some (not all) of my questions. I needed assurances that the “dramatized re-enactment” of pre-bridal preparations wouldn’t be overly sappy like all indications were looking, and the videographer said that we could just shoot naturally and spontaneously. I prefer that, as it shows me and Maile as who we are, and it’s not faked or anything. I’d much rather watch the video and know that what I saw was what was really going on, and not have that thought that the whole thing was staged running through the back of my head.

The question the videographer didn’t really answer was regarding the music to be played during the video. He mentioned four songs for the slideshow, which to me corresponds to four segments: bride (baby to adult), groom (baby to adult), bride and groom with family, bride and groom by themselves. So I had asked about the other parts the video, the pre-bridal prep and the ceremony highlights. What music is played then? Do I get to choose?

His reply said that I could have a 5th song for the ceremony. That doesn’t tell me anything about the pre-bridal.

Argh, headache!

So, I started thinking about wanting an Ox baby, because I think Ox people are pretty cool. I am an Ox, so I know what I’m talking about.

But as I read up on whatever Chinese zodiac data there exists in the wide world of internet, I discover there are a few more specific details than just the stinky animal.

For example, based on the specific year you were born, you have one of five elements attached to the animal. Not only that, but you have two of each element. I am a “Yin Water Ox” to be precise. I will quote Wikipedia:

Water is yin or feminine in character, its energy is downward and its motion is stillness and conserving. It is associated with the planet Mercury, the north, winter and cold, darkness, night and the colour black. It is also associated with the moon, which was believed to cause the dew to fall at night. It is also believed to govern the kidneys, ears and bones. The negative emotion associated with water is fear, while the positive emotion is calmness. Its Primal Spirit is represented by the Black Tortoise.

In Chinese Taoist thought, water is representative of intelligence and wisdom, flexibility, softness and pliancy; however, an over-abundance of the element is said to cause difficulty in choosing something and sticking to it. In the same way, Water can be fluid and weak, but can also wield great power when it floods and overwhelms the land. In the birth and nurturing cycle, water spawns wood, and is spawned by metal. In the conquest cycle, water overcomes fire, and in turn is overcome by earth.

Wikip goes on to say that the year you were born determines how people perceive you, or how you choose to represent yourself. I guess that means people perceive me as being an Ox, which are supposed to be dependable, calm, methodical, patient, hardworking, ambitious, conventional, steady, modest, logical, resolute, tenacious. Can be stubborn, narrow-minded, materialistic, rigid, demanding.

I could agree with a lot of that, especially the later part.

Then there is the Inner Animal, which is determined by the month of your birth, and is said to be what motivates you. My inner animal (again, according to Wikip) is the Sheep: Righteous, sincere, sympathetic, mild-mannered, shy, artistic, creative, gentle, compassionate, understanding, mothering, determined, peaceful, generous, seeks security. Can be moody, indecisive, over-passive, worrier, pessimistic, over-sensitive, complainer.

I don’t know if that means I’m motivated by a desire to be righteous, sincere, etc, or even if indecision and all of my worries drive me to do things. Another website writes that the inner animal is the one we most want to be like. I do want to complain, often!

Finally there’s the Secret Animal, which if you’ve been following the logic so far, is figured out by knowing the exact hour of your birth. Seems we’re given a two-hour time slot (24 hours divided by 12 animals), and the secret animal is supposed to be your truest representation. I seem to have popped out at 2102, which makes me a Pig! Honest, simple, gallant, sturdy, sociable, peace-loving, patient, loyal, hard-working, trusting, sincere, calm, understanding, thoughtful, scrupulous, passionate, intelligent. Can be naive, over-reliant, self-indulgent, gullible, fatalistic, materialistic.

Fantastic!

Started thinking about a speech for the wedding reception. Wrote up a small thing. It’s got its thank-yous and whatnot, but it’s personal, so that’s all that matters. Not sure where I would work it into the program, considering that most weddings focus on the bride and her speech. I don’t even know if Maile is going to say anything.

Speaking of the program, we need to sit down with Mel and hammer out an agenda. I think we’ve been putting it off for too long. I’ve always had an idea of what would happen when, but I never delved into the details of the exact timing and sequence of events. Yet it’s very important, like when the hairstylist needs to know when to work on people in time for the photographer’s session. It’s no longer as simple as just getting dressed and thinking about traffic on your way to dinner.

Maile and Mel saw samples of the centerpieces. I think they’re awesome. The tall vases look pretty, and the smaller candled centerpieces are cool. Maile wants to look for an alternative candleholder to better match the tall vases, but if she can’t find anything, she is perfectly content with the current style.

Whilst there, the florist made mention of getting the media involved in our wedding. That’s the second or third vendor to say that, and it’s making me wonder just how “abnormal” our wedding is. And by “getting the media involved,” they mean contacting one of the local news agencies to run a piece on it. Is our wedding that much of a story? Is it that different? To have multiple vendors (who may or may not have had contact with each other) suggest a media story seems to indicate such.

I told Mel that if any media agency wants to interview me, it will have to be after the fact. I don’t want to talk to someone about something that’s yet to happen, or that is happening. I want to be able to look back on the event and laugh. For example, when the RVSP card issue was brought to my attention, my first thought was… well, I had no coherent thought. I was fairly upset about the screw-up and wanted to blame somebody (except myself). I needed a couple of minutes to cool down, consider what had happened, weigh my options, and eventually pass it off as something that can no longer be helped. It was a mistake, and since I can’t find a record of what I submitted to the printer, there’s nothing to indicate where the fault is. Plus, even if I could nail down who was responsible (even if it’s myself), it doesn’t help matters that people got a vague RSVP card. So why fret?

Instead I’ll take the stand that if someone send in a card “as is,” I can assume with a fair amount of certainty that they will be in attendance. I can still call them up to verify, and ultimately that level of “extra” work is something I have to suck up and do, given the situation. No amount of whining or crying is going to magically make it all better.

So given all that, I think I would need a few moments after everything is all said and done before I can speak to a stranger about what happened. I think this applies even more for a case where in the end, I have no control over the result. A news crew or reporter (or the editor) has final say on what the story will be; they’re just getting my footage and words and they’re the ones who will put it together.

If they want to film the events as it takes place, I’m going to have to insist that they stay out of everyone’s way. No intrusion upon people or activities, no use of floodlights or anything that might interfere with the ceremony or reception, and they have to give up their spot if requested. I’m sorry, but any media will be second fiddle to the primary players on that day, because in the end it is a wedding for friends and family, not a story. If whatever media can’t agree to it, then it’s no skin off my back. I won’t care if it’s not reported, if it’s not aired.

Maile sent me pictures of a hair-and-makeup test session. When I saw them I had fuzzable feeling in my chest. Made me crack a smile.

I’m never usually the one to go “Wow! That’s so awesome!” with my mouth agape, my eyes wide, and overall expression of being blown away. Usually my reactions to such moments are “Wow. That’s cool.” Inside, however, I’m usually feeling the wow-it’s-awesome feeling; just the outside is more muted.

So don’t be surprised if, during the wedding, it looks like I’m just amused at the activity. I’m probably going to be all fiddy-giddy inside, full of the rapturous wonder that is marital celebrations.

Or I’m going to be drunk.

Couldn’t sleep last night. Only managed to squeeze in 4 hours before the silly alarm started.

Yesterday it was brought to my attention that the RSVP cards I sent out with the wedding invitations are missing the line “will ______” in which the recipient can write “attend” or “not attend” to indicate whether or not they are coming. I can’t remember if we had initially put that line into the print request, or if we completely blanked on that. I can’t find any copy of the proof, so I can’t verify either way.

Since there’s nothing I can do about it now, I’m thinking people can just scratch out the number of guests and put “0” if they aren’t coming, or just mail the card with “can’t go” or “will go” written on it somewhere. Otherwise, I guess I might just have to call everybody and ask. A sucking fectacular turn of events, I must say.

Photo session was a blast. Had quite a lot of fun. At times I felt stiff, like I didn’t know what to do with my arms. I think it was partly because some of the poses were a bit unnatural; the two of us don’t normally stand cheek-to-cheek and stare at each other. However, I think a good reason was the fact that for a Sunday, the university is pretty crowded. I’m sure we gave all the international students staying at the dorms a nice pleasant distraction.

I might have to cave with the videographer, and settle for the standard package of a slideshow, pre-bridal reenactment, and wedding ceremony highlight. The cost to do what I wanted is prohibitive, and the work to finangle an alternative is too much. My last resort is to ask the video guy if he can just focus on Maile, and don’t make me look all sappy-fied and romantical.

The reason for this is because the reaction people will have to seeing me in soft focus, looking like a Hallmark movie actor showering the woman with love, is NOT going to have people think, “Aww, how romantic.” Rather, everyone will be, “Pshaw, okay, if you say so.”

Not too worried about that right now. There are more pressing matters at hand, namely the fact that my USB jump drive has failed and I’ve lost all the work I’ve done for the wedding. The drive contained my wedding spreadsheet, full of addresses and vendors and the total budget. I managed to save some files with a utility called PhotoRec (free), but unfortunately, the big wedding file couldn’t be recovered.

Maile has an older copy. Actually, she had the most recent work, but she accidentally overwrote it with an older email attachment before sending it to me. It’s not a loss, since it still has a lot of the work I put into it. Most importantly, it has all the costs!

Hopefully there won’t be any actual work today, so I can get some recovery tasks in.