Fear the Crab

During the initial wedding plans, Maile’s brother was tapped to help out on the registration table. An easy task to involve him in the event.In the months following, there was a bit of hemming and hawing about how he wasn’t going to go, then he was going to go, and back to not going. Shiny, just let me know a decision before it’s too late.

Soon afterward, he relapsed by taking a hit of crack. He felt guilty about it afterward, and turned himself in to his PO, and spent a couple of nights in jail.

At that point, we took him off table duty. I asked two of my friends if their daughters would like to help, and they all agreed. I then had 4 people on the registration table; more than enough to handle the crowd.

Turns out the hemming and hawing by Maile’s brother and other concerns stemmed from issues unrelated to the wedding, involving mainly the immediate family and their relationship with his girlfriend. As that came to light, there were talks and discussions and I guess everything was worked out, so that’s fine.

But now I am being told that he wants his “job” back. He felt hurt that he was taken off table duty because he really wanted to be involved and help out. Maile’s mom has suggested that I put him AND his girlfriend on the registration table, and from what I can gather, Maile agrees (though I don’t know if it’s just out of agreement or any other reason). At the time this was brought to my attention, I sorta acquiesced, without really saying anything or suggesting alternatives. I had to think about it.

Last night, I spent the better part of an hour considering everything. I believe I have come to the conclusion that I will not be changing my mind. It’s not because I don’t feel that I can trust him around the gifts; I feel I can’t trust his reliability.

It’s quite possible that he can do an excellent job at the table, and that there would be no problems and everything will go smoothly. However, at this point in the wedding plans I cannot take the chance that something will happen between now and then, leaving me stranded. I do not expect any amount of vouchers from either Maile or her mom can sway me in this, too.

He feels hurt that we took him off the job. My thought is that maybe he needs to remember this “hurt” and turn it into “experience.” Take it as a lesson in how his behavior can have an impact on others, and how sometimes, certain actions cannot be undone. Perhaps if he remembers this, if he remembers how he felt when he had to suffer the consequences of what he did, it can serve him in the future when faced with the temptation to use drugs again.

The drama is in trying to convince him of that, and in a way that he doesn’t use it as an excuse to go back to drugs (the old “woe is me” attitude). And, too, I will most likely be suffering the consequences of this decision. Whether it’s from him, or Maile or her mom, I can’t tell.