Fear the Crab

Out of all the details involved in planning a wedding, I think the guest list and table seating are probably the most excruciating, white-hair-producing, early-death-inducing pieces of work ever to plague the existence of Man.

Some guests are easy to fit into the program. The immediate family of the bridal party are shoo-ins, of course. Close aunts and uncles can be included, at least as much as their relational proximity to the bride and groom allow.

After a certain point, economics start to kick in. It is amazing how many relatives and friends pop out of the woodwork, and as time goes on the chance of spouses and children being added to the picture increases. Now one is faced with having to decide if spending $50.00-$70.00 per person for food is worth sending an invitation. Just how close is this friend? Do we invite the kids, or just the parents? If we only invite the parents, how would they feel if they see someone else’s kids in attendance?

Some people recommend using an approximate window of one year of contact; if you haven’t spoken to them in that time, they don’t need to be invited. I myself don’t hold to that philosophy, only because I sometimes don’t talk to my brother within a year. It doesn’t mean we’re not close; we just talk only when we feel like it, and if it happens to be a week, a month, or a decade in-between, so be it.

Instead I hold to the concept that if said invitee had something to do with shaping me into the person I am today (for better, of course), then they should be in attendance. Well, to clarify, they should be asked to attend, and accounted for in the wedding budget. Whether or not they do show up is entirely up to them, though I’d hope they’d send a reply to indicate such.

One thing that no one mentions is that a guest list should be drawn up with the intent that it will account for everyone showing up. If you invite 200 people to your reception, you have to work under the assumption that all 200 will arrive. Often I think some couples send invitations with the knowledge that the person will not attend because of a variety of reasons. The invitation is sent out merely because it’s considered the polite thing to do.

And speaking of the polite thing to do, no one ever says anything about who exactly should receive an invitation. How does the politics of weddings work when it comes to co-workers, classmates, and friends? If you invite one co-worker, does that mean you should invite all?

Sometimes it’s not so obvious who gets an invite and who doesn’t need to. Do you send to the household, or to the individual families? Take, as an example, a house where the child lives with the parents, but the child is an adult (maybe with their own child). Do both parties receive an invitation, or is only one sent to the house? I’m inclined to believe that two invitations would need to be sent, based on the idea that it is almost like two separate families that just so happen to live under the same roof. I’d hold to that same principle regarding grandparents living with their kids.

It’s Friday, and I’ve only been at work for three hours.

Now that The Folks have taken it upon themselves to spend cash, they’ve also asked for the inclusion of other guests, such as my neighbors. My neighbors have been with me since childhood, so it is the right thing to do. I initially wasn’t going to invite them because of costs, just like I wasn’t going to invite many from the continent.

Well, now I can. The neighbors are in, and so are my friends. We still don’t want to let things get too out-of-hand, however, so I still expect to see the guest list top off at 185 or so. Actually, maybe if we cut it down to 175, that’d be good. I know I’m not paying for the food anymore, but that’s not a reason to go helly-welly with the freebies.

As far as the rest of the wedding goes, I think most things are secured. We’ve got the officiant, the ceremony musician, and a band for the reception. The photographer is booked, and the florist has reserved the day for us. Maile’s dress decision won’t be made until September, but since we have the backup dress, it’s pretty much guaranteed that she’s going to wear something nice. For things like the wedding bands, favors, and invitations, we know who we are going through, and it is not critical at this point to secure any dates.

What remains now are the little details. We need to talk with the officiant about what vows we want and the ceremony sequence. The musicians need to know what music to play. The florist needs to know what colors and arrangements are needed. All the specific details must be hammered out, but it’s a lot easier now, knowing they’re already set and are just waiting.

Sometimes it feels like I’m getting married next week.