Fear the Crab

As I sit here, munching on cereal bars for lunch, I am reminded of the time I tried to make Rice Krispie treats. I emptied the entire box of cereal into a big pot, because the ingredients indicated that it took the entire box to make the treats. Then, according to the instructions, I add the butter, so I added a stick of butter, because the ingredients indicated that it took an entire stick of butter to make the treats.

Unfortunately, the instructions did not make it readily clear that I was supposed to melt the butter before adding it, so there I am trying to mix cereal and cold butter whilst the stove is still on. About the time I realized the inevitable outcome of this concoction, I had a central mass of stuck cereal around a gooey core of butter, surrounded by burnt krispies.

At least I had a bag of marshmallows to snack on.

My “elite cooking skills” can be traced to Mr Rogers’ Neighborhood. In particular is the episode where Mr Rogers made peanut butter.

From what I recall, Mr Rogers took a plastic Ziploc bag and filled it with unsalted peanuts. Then he added a stick of butter. The next step, and this was very important, was to close the bag (otherwise everything would fall out).

The final step would be to take a rolling pin and run it across the bag until the peanuts and butter were mashed together to form.. peanut butter!

It took about 10 years for me to figure out that this simple recipe was incorrect, though now I have no idea how they actually do make peanut butter.

I broke down and bought useless crap again. It is amazing how one month of shopping abstinence can disappear in a flash of credit card craziness. In one day I spent approximately $130.00 on music, books, and movies. Let’s check out the list:

• “Cossette no Shouzou” soundtrack
• “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” complete soundtrack
• “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” complete soundtrack
• “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” book
• “Through the Looking Glass, and What Alice Found There” book
• “Watership Down” book
• “Saving Private Ryan” movie

I also happen to come into ownership of “Time Bandits” and “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen” because it was my birthday and those DVDs were gifts.

Today my wrists and arms are sore and achy. It’s only been 4 hours of work and it feels like I just want to drop my hands to my sides and stare.