Fear the Crab

As I sit here, munching on cereal bars for lunch, I am reminded of the time I tried to make Rice Krispie treats. I emptied the entire box of cereal into a big pot, because the ingredients indicated that it took the entire box to make the treats. Then, according to the instructions, I add the butter, so I added a stick of butter, because the ingredients indicated that it took an entire stick of butter to make the treats.

Unfortunately, the instructions did not make it readily clear that I was supposed to melt the butter before adding it, so there I am trying to mix cereal and cold butter whilst the stove is still on. About the time I realized the inevitable outcome of this concoction, I had a central mass of stuck cereal around a gooey core of butter, surrounded by burnt krispies.

At least I had a bag of marshmallows to snack on.

My “elite cooking skills” can be traced to Mr Rogers’ Neighborhood. In particular is the episode where Mr Rogers made peanut butter.

From what I recall, Mr Rogers took a plastic Ziploc bag and filled it with unsalted peanuts. Then he added a stick of butter. The next step, and this was very important, was to close the bag (otherwise everything would fall out).

The final step would be to take a rolling pin and run it across the bag until the peanuts and butter were mashed together to form.. peanut butter!

It took about 10 years for me to figure out that this simple recipe was incorrect, though now I have no idea how they actually do make peanut butter.

This morning I woke up with a very sore stomach, the kind that makes you double over into a fetal position and not want to move, except you have to move because if you stay still the pain takes over your lower eyelids and makes you scream like a baby. Well, maybe it wasn’t THAT bad, but it was horrible. I almost used it as an excuse to call in sick to work. In the end it turned out for the better, because I did absolutely nothing at work. If I had stayed home, I would have done the same thing; I just wouldn’t have gotten paid for it.

The only thing that happened at work was the realization that sometimes, when you’ve grown up and matured into a true adult, suddenly the people you used to know are still thinking like little kids, and as a result are not as pleasant to know anymore.

I watched Animal Precinct tonight, and every time I see that show I am amazed and appalled at the ignorance and stupidity people have in this world. It is horrifying what these so-called “pet owners” do to their charges. Tonight’s episode there was a case where owners tied up 13 newborn puppies into garbage bags and threw them into the trash for the garbagemen to pick up. If a neighbor hadn’t heard the crying from inside the can, all of the puppies would likely have been lost. In the end, however, only 2 of the 13 survived. The owners were, naturally, arrested. There was also a case of a dog being muzzled with what looked like a coffee can, and even a dog that had its throat cut wide open with a knife. The show is not for the faint-of-heart, but at least those stinky ignorant dirt-people get what they deserve.