Fear the Crab

Monday, 9/20: Our second day in San Francisco began with breakfast from Happy Donuts, a 24-hour place just down the street from the Travelodge. We found it the night before when doing laundry and waiting for the rinse cycle to finish. Extremely tasty! I had a blueberry fritter and strawberry turnover-type thing, and squared away an eclair for snackage later.

We then caught a BART ride from Millbrae Station to Market Street. On the drive to the station we were photographed by a red-light camera while making a right turn, but as we did not see any signage preventing a right turn on red, hopefully we won’t receive any notification in the mail. Plus, I watched legitimate left turns on green arrows trigger the cameras, so that indicated quite a number of false-positives in my opinion.

Our first foray into the city was to a recommended boutique called A Miner Miracle SHOP. The store offers name-brand clothing at reduced prices, and the money goes towards the A Miner Miracle charity. Win-win for shoppers, if you’re into womens clothing. I spent my time in the “man chair” by the front and busied myself with a map of the city.

The next stop was Fisherman’s Wharf. We caught the cable car from Powell and Market down to Bay Street, and got lunch at Alioto’s. There, I had an excellent wild swordfish involtini, stuffed with crab meat and served in a lemon butter caper sauce. I also had a cup of clam chowder to complete the meal.

After lunch we checked out the Ripley’s Believe it or Not! museum. Among the expected oddities and unique wonders of the world were a few “try it out” exhibits. One was a large Mirror Maze with rotating doors that altered the path to the exit. My mother-in-law became anxious in there, all because the she jokingly asked the attendant if anyone got lost before. The attendant answered, “No, but people sometimes get panic attacks.” That little seed of doubt took root and thanks to the accidental power of suggestion my mother-in-law became so flustered she dropped her admission pass midway through the maze. I sure as hell wasn’t going to try and retrace our steps to find it. Thankfully once I figured out the system I was able to navigate us to the exit.

Another exhibit highlighted the people who can contort their faces in weird or extreme shapes, and featured a mirror for everybody to attempt themselves. I passed on that, figuring I didn’t need to see myself any more than I do each day. Maile and her mom spent a few minutes rolling their tongues at their own reflections.

Later on in the tour, we came across the “modern” area of the museum, featuring rarities and interesting things from today’s day and age. Among the exhibits was an interactive display of slow-motion and high speed video. The display featured a dial that allowed us to speed up or slow down video footage of things like busy crosswalks, building demolitions, and breaking glass on the floor.

And towards the end of the video footage was a recorded feed of a camera, hidden above the mirror in the museum where people were trying out facial contortion. Oh hello! I was certainly glad I only bothered a casual glance at those mirrors, reasoning that I didn’t need to see what I looked like trying to eat my own nose, and now I had video evidence that I wasn’t standing there making a fool out of myself.

Too bad Maile and her mom weren’t so lucky. It was indeed very entertaining to speed up and slow down footage of those two standing in front of the mirror. I even reversed time a bit to repeat some choice moments before moving on. Maile and her mom also found it funny, if a bit embarrassing.

Of course, the real hilarity and embarrassment came towards the end of the tour, when we found ourselves in a dark room with a window looking out to another, strangely-familiar section of the museum. It only took us a few seconds to realize that the window was instead a two-way mirror looking out at people contorting their faces! I can imagine how this room would certainly a big surprise for everyone who spent any amount of time in front of that exhibit, much to the delight of all observers who happened to be across from them.

We spent the rest of the day walking along the bay, browsing the store fronts and checking out the sights. We got as far as the Ghirardelli factory before we decided to head back, so we caught the cable car back to Market Street.

Since we were in the area, I really wanted to take an opportunity to visit the Chrome store, which was 4 city blocks away. We walked the route along 5th, which started to turn into a rather seedy section of SF as we got closer to the I-80. At least, that’s how my mother-in-law began to feel, and perhaps the mirror maze from earlier still affected her; Maile and I were very confident and the so-called shady characters lounging around the sidewalks and alleys didn’t bother us.

The Chrome store was smaller than I expected, and by that I mean their inventory. My first exposure to Chrome was during my bicycle-riding days, and I really like their knickers. These shorts are durable and comfortable, and they’re perfect enough for me to wear around town. I was very interested in buying more knickers, or their new Union shorts, but the stock was drastically low. I bought the last Union short in my size so I wouldn’t walk away empty-handed, and also to justify the excursion and ensure that making my mother-in-law so nervous wasn’t in vain.

We returned to the Powell Street BART station along 4th, which was a highly-trafficked road and marked a dramatic difference in setting. 4th was more “financial” in appearance, and the Oracle conventioneers were out in force at that time so the skittish in the group were put more at ease. Of course, the train back to Millbrae was very crowded with the rush-hour commute, but it was not a difficult trip.

In retrospect I would have liked to have headed back the other way to check out Pier 39 and the Aquarium of the Bay (warning: auto sound). We also missed the Alcatraz tour. I suppose we’ll save those for another trip.

Eddie Izzard, on San Francisco (NSFW)