Fear the Crab

I have noticed a disturbing trend amongst the fund-raising groups scattered across the island, particularly the small informal organizations like community sports teams or private dance troupes. The trend seems to center around camping out at a busy intersection, stand on the medians and corners with hand-held fishing nets, and literally beg for cash.

If I remember correctly, this method of fund-raising started with firefighters in California. I don’t remember the exact details, but because it’s a firefighter organization raising money for something other than their own personal pockets, I can get behind it and would willingly donate. On Oahu, the Hawaii Food Bank holds an annual drive-by where you can hand-off small cans of food or cash into their waiting nets.

Now it appears as though everyone and their mothers (literally) are hitting the streets soliciting money. If you’re stopped at a red light, these beggars will troll the lines of cars hoping to see a window roll down and a wad of greenbacks come tumbling out. Sometimes they give you looks as they pass by you and get nothing in return.

Meanwhile you have more of the group on the sides, holding signs that ask you to support their team or troupe. Okay, fine, at least I know who’s getting this money, but now I don’t know what the money is for! Do they have to buy new uniforms? Are they taking a trip to national competition in someplace like Colorado? Or is it, like the case of one local little league baseball team, to help pay for the parents of the players to fly to a tournament?!

Even if I’m made aware of what the money is for, why the hell should I give my hard-earned cash over to some bloke who’s not even working for it? All they’re doing is standing on the side of the road, begging for a handout! At least some homeless dudes might offer to “work for food” (though lately even some of the homeless have turned to outright begging). I’d better see some kids on the side doing some cartwheels or performing some kind of dance routine. Put on a show, sing some songs, do something to earn this money.

There are still groups who do the time-honored traditions of candy-vending or car washes. These groups earn a little less of my ire, but there are still areas where I wish they’d put in a little more effort. I’ve had kids and some adults come to my door and just ask if I want to buy some chili tickets. Okay… thanks for telling me who you are, first, and what this is for. I usually turn away these vendors, even if I really really wanted what they were selling. I’d rather wait and give the money to someone who deserves it.

The amount of consideration I give to a fund-raising offer is a direct result of the amount of effort said fund-raising group is willing to put into the sale. I’ve bought sweet breads, discount cards, chili tickets, and candy from well-spoken representatives because they bothered to sell me the goods. They told me who they were, what they were selling, what the money was for, and how much it was.

I’ve been through the work of fund-raising. I’ve had to go door-to-door and vend my fair share of huli-huli chicken, chocolate-covered almonds, M&Ms, and Zippy’s chili. I’ve had to raise money for little league baseball uniforms, intermediate band trips, elementary school JPO trips, and karate dojo activities. I would sell maybe 1 item per every 10 houses, but at each one I would introduce myself and state what I was selling and why.

It was hard, yeah, and I would have rather been playing in the street than going door-to-door, but motherfucker I worked. The least some of these groups could do is the same.