Fear the Crab

As referenced in this post, our bathroom will be overhauled extensively, much to the disruption of our daily routine.  I think this is the perfect time to document the evolution of this sanitation sanctuary.

Here is the bathroom pre-renovation:

Before!

Yes, we have a phone in there.  It’s rather convenient for us, perhaps not so much for the caller.

This is the reason for the renovation:

Damage, Bath

Damage, Closet

Now how is that conducive to basic health and hygiene?  The second picture is from the bedroom next door, in the closet.  As you can see, the damage is much more extensive, and perhaps representative of what’s going on inside the double-wall construction.  If the wood has rotted away this much, it’s a sure bet that some nastiness is brewing within the bowels of the bathroom.

Hopefully the work will not reveal other problems hidden beneath.  This is already costing me.

Here is a preview of things to come:

New bath fixtures

Discuss amongst yourselves whether or not I’ll add the computer or upright fan.  Who knows?  Perhaps browsing the dregs of the internet requires some adequate ventilation.

The second bathroom in the house needs to be repaired, specifically the wall the separates the bathroom from the adjoining bedroom.  Said wall has suffered some water damage, rotting the base away and it is probably much much worse inside.  In order to get to the damaged wall, we have to go through the shower tile, so we all figured that it’s best the bathroom get a makeover.

It’s about time, I suppose.  The bathroom is over 40 years old, and everyone seems to agree that a remodel is in order.  Everyone also agrees that it’s going to cost me two arms and one leg and probably three fingers.

Maile and I purchased a near-complete set of bathroom fixtures and trim for the upcoming remodel, which totaled over two grand.  I say near-complete because I’m not sure if I’m forgetting something.  We have the faucets, shower valves and trim, toilet, tub, and accessories like towel rods.

We’re looking at Corian for our countertop and shower walls, and that process is still in estimation, but I’m pretty certain it will be more, if not much more, than the same price for the fixtures.  Could be double.

Then Maile and I will need new cabinets, some bypass shower doors, and new flooring.  Add in the catch-all of labor and I think I can expect to pay over 10k.

I have enough to pay for the whole thing.  I’ll just have to eat ketchup packets for sustenance for the next 33 years.

* * *

I listen to this at work.  On repeat.  For eight hours!

Alternate Link

Harken back to the tales of old, when a man’s home became his fortress, besieged on all sides by the noisy conspiracies of cockroaches in flight, saved at the eleventh hour by the timely arrival of nose-borne boogers.

Listen well, then, when I describe the true-to-life account of the same man’s further adventures in home defense!

* * *

I was jarred awake by a crash, a sharp crack of decibel followed by the trickle of something in cascade. It sounded like breaking glass. Yes, the sound of a window break, accompanied by the tinkling of glass on the floor. Adrenaline-rush, on!

Whilst waiting for my super-Hulk-powers to formulate, I made the split-second decision to grab my collapsible baton, the one I used to carry with me on bike rides. No intruder would walk away from this encounter with an un-bumped noggin.

Maile worriedly asked what was going on, but I had to quickly calm her before entering Rambo-mode. I apprised her of the situation, then crept into the hallway, straining my ears to detect the sounds of further intrusion.

Stop! Wait by the doorway before proceeding. The killer may lurk beyond. Darn, I should have brought one of Maile’s dental mirrors to check around corners. I hoped it would not be a fatal mistake.

I had to chance a peek into the living room. The cold light of my blue LED clock cast disturbing shadows, but yielded no other movement. My eyes were well-adjusted to the dark, and I saw nothing out of place. The windows here were not broken. I continued down the hallway, stealing a glance into the empty bathroom and adjoining bedroom. My next destination was the kitchen, likely the source of the intrusion into my domicile.

If the intruder was in the kitchen, the battleground would be a tough one. If this person did not have a weapon, one could easily be found within the many cabinets. I could only hope that their search for utensils would be akin to mine (fruitless and frustrating, thanks to countless reorganizations).

The ambient light from outside filtered through the frosted louvers, glaring across the many silhouettes of pots and pans, and threatened to reveal my approach. Behind me, the wall was illuminated by this soft light as it streamed through the doorway I was next to, therefore I could not peek around lest I cast my shadow to amplify my presence. I now had a decision to make.

The light switch was on the other side of the wall I was against. I could easily reach my hand around the edge of the doorway and bathe the area in fluorescent luminescence. This would possibly serve to blind the intruder temporarily, and enable me to rush in and incapacitate my opponent with a swift chop to the back of the neck, ala Star Trek. However, my own vision would suffer the sudden burst of brightness.

My only hope would be my intimate knowledge of the kitchen layout (just, you know, not the contents of the cabinets). Having tread many a path between the tables and chairs, I could let my body’s memory of the area guide me into position during the few milliseconds available to me. It just might be enough.

Decision made, I switched the baton to my off-hand, slowly reached around the edge of the wall and pressed the light-switch. With a guttural cry from my bottom, I charged forth, stepping into the blaze of battle to challenge the intruder of my domain.

Nobody was there. The kitchen was empty, no one hiding behind the counter, nor in the sink. Both microwave and stove were devoid of life, and the toaster was untouched. The windows were intact, the doors secured, and a quick inspection of the outside yielded no signs of trespass.

This was not a trick of my imagination. I clearly heard the sound! Maile heard the sound! What was it, if there was no intruder and every barricade to my castle was left unbroken? I gripped my baton tightly. Something had come. It had gone without incident, but it had made its presence known, nonetheless.

On high alert, now suspicious of every shadow, I returned to my den. Disturbed by this recent activity, I could only find solace in the fact that when danger threatened, I was ready to defend and protect my family and home. Perhaps, some comfort could be taken from that.

* * *

Maile, in the course of these events, sleepily went to the bathroom and found that her razor, normally hanging from a suction-cup hook in the shower, had fallen. The suction had come loose and both implements clattered upon the shower tiles.

She just didn’t bother to tell me until I came back to bed.

There are days when, despite the plethora of activity occurring within, I do not feel like noting anything here. Which seems rather strange, given the fact that I am writing about things here, and I will continue to elaborate on the day’s activity. Perhaps then, this is not such a day.

* * *

I mowed the lawn, using a fancy walk-behind gas-powered mower. It is fancy because the wheels adjust independently to their own heights, enabling me to lower, raise, or angle the blades for customized cutting. The mower has a gas pedal of sorts, more like a lever near the handlebars, which I have to hold down if I want the engine to continue running. I suppose it’s more like a safety feature, turning the mower off if I let go of it. There’s also a small lever that spins the front wheels, helping me push the mower along.

Despite the fanciness, I still needed to push the darn thing around the lawn. The grass grows unevenly, with thick patches on one side and dry areas on another. I think the dry side gets too much sun, while the lush side falls into shadow later in the day since it’s closer to the house. I finished off the lawn with the weed-whacker, trimming the edges and taking care of the areas the mower couldn’t reach.

One important lesson I learned; make sure the bag is properly attached. And the end of my mowing adventure, the bag was noticeably empty. I first thought that I really didn’t cut any grass, but it turned out that all the cuttings went into my shoes. The bag itself was just sitting on top of the frame, pretending to be a State worker.

* * *

A big dumpster arrived on Friday. It is for the old rotten, termite-eaten fence that was replaced by a composite material. So naturally, Maile and I took this opportunity to get rid of a few other things. One desk, one dresser, and one table were tossed in, all of which suffered from wood rot and termites. Some old broken weights literally covered in rust, including a nautilus-type home-gym system, went on top of the furniture. You know, to keep it down.

We wanted to dump more things, but then we realized that we might not have any room leftover for the old fence. I suppose stopping there was a good thing, because afterward I felt very itchy. Likely all the splinters, dust, rust, and insect droppings were doing a macarena on my skin.

A proper shower was in order. Given the earlier sun exposure, I promptly took a two-hour nap.

* * *

Maile and I finished the evening with dinner at Hy’s Steak House. Tasted the escargot for starters, dove into a prime rib and garlic steak, and topped it all off with the cherries jubilee ice cream flambe for dessert. Frickin’ awesome, I tell ya.

Afterward we stopped by Macy’s to take advantage of the wedding gift cards we collected. We looked for curtains, but couldn’t find any. Does Macy’s not carry curtains? I find it hard to believe that Hawaii’s flagship Macy’s store does not stock what a simple online search displays.

Granted, we may have just missed them. We wandered the bed and bath section, where we thought curtains would be, but we could only find shower curtains. So instead we bought some picture frames for the living room, since Maile wanted a coherent theme. Perhaps I’ll take a picture of the area, when everything’s complete.

Or maybe I’ll just wait for another blousey day.

The desk was delivered and assembled today. Set up was quick because there were only two tables and a connector. The long table had plastic casters so that it wouldn’t scratch the floor, but the short table did not; I adhered some felt casters to compensate. While construction of the desk space was quick, moving all the components onto the desk and setting it all up took forever.

Before

This is what the area looked like before the desk arrived. As I said before, the file cabinet was already in place; the boxes are the various components awaiting a place to settle. The time was approximately 1500 when this picture was taken.

I first put Maile’s computer on the short table, arranged so that she could face the TV. Her color inkjet would sit between her monitor and the tower, which itself would perch on the edge of the long table. All of the cables and wires would tie up along the desk edge, interrupted by the surge protector.

The router came next. I needed to make sure I had the proper cables ready for two computers and a printer. But that was easy.

I unpacked my iMac and set it up on the long table. Despite having so few components, it took me a while to become familiar with where things were and how they should be arranged. I also had my RAID hard drives to unpack, and put that on the desk near the file cabinet.

Suddenly I realized that I didn’t really have any room for the laser printer. If I put it on the desk, it would force the computers closer together, which in turn would force the users closer together, until the chairs got in the way. I didn’t want to put anything on the floor because I wanted a clear space to easily vacuum, I wanted more leg room, and I didn’t want to run the risk of a chair knocking a dent into anything delicate.

So I put the laser printer on top of the file cabinet. It’s not pretty, there are a ton of cables all stretched hither and yon, but it’s all set up and ready for use.

After!

After after!

The fact remains that we still have enough room for the two of us to operate simultaneously, and we each have access to the printers and cordless phone. The physical setup was quick and painless (though there was a close call involving a desk and my toe); it was the electronic setup that was a long and drawn-out process.

Maile’s computer setup was easy, because there was really nothing to do. The only trick was reconfiguring her system to recognize and communicate with the router, but once that was done it just took an installation of the laser printer drivers and she could see it over the network.

The iMac was trickier. In addition to being a very new machine (as new as a refurbished model can be, that is), I am not very familiar with the Mac operating system. I had a few tidbits of start-up advice from friends and co-workers, but I still had to navigate the strange mirage of menus and icons. The RAID drives were set up as well as I thought I could, but it remains to be seen whether or not I set them up correctly.

From addressing iMac security concerns, to figuring out how to tell the printer I want duplex, I plodded through without nourishment, determined to conquer this hypnotic land. Test pages were printed, web pages were visited, and I may have blinded myself on the glossy widescreen brilliance that is 24 inches.

I don’t know if I’ve succeeded, but time will only tell.

The new office space in the house is coming together. Conceptually, at least. See, the only physical manifestation of the office is in the form of a 4-drawer legal size locking file cabinet. But check it!

Bought a desk, the Nouveau by Ligna Furniture, which was available at Home World. It’s a bit different than what I am used to, as far as office desks go. It’s more like two tables hooked together with an L-connector. However, that’s precisely what Maile and I wanted for our workspace, so that we could have both of our computers in the same area and be able to use them at the same time. Conveniently, this concept was available in a reasonably-priced package, and the color fits well with the rest of the house. We did not get a hutch nor any attached drawers, giving us plenty of desk space and leg room to work comfortably.

Bought an iMac. 24″ widescreen, 2.8GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor, 500GB hard disk drive, 2GB memory. It’s a pretty big machine for me to just work on office files, but I like to compensate for my deficiencies with big toys. It’s a refurbished computer bought through the university’s Apple Store, so I paid significantly less than regular retail.

Bought a LaCie external hard drive for data storage and backup. It’s a RAID system that I will configure for mirroring any data I save, because I’m paranoid about losing precious files and pictures. One of the 500GB hard drives will mirror the files stored in the other, so if either of them breaks, I can easily swap in a new one and restore the exact same data (if both fail… well, I might be SOL).

Bought a Brother monochrome laser printer for every-day or bulk printing jobs. I figure most of what Maile and I print doesn’t need to be in color, and whenever we do have to print a photo or something colorful, we can fall back to her multifunction color inkjet. I normally don’t like multifunction printers, preferring instead to get a standalone scanner, but I’m not going to throw away a perfectly good printer just to satisfy my preference. When that printer breaks, though, I’ll hope to get a standalone color inkjet instead and a separate scanner.

Bought a 4-drawer legal size locking file cabinet from the Office Depot. I probably could have gotten a cheaper one with the same specifications elsewhere, but I was feeling lazy and didn’t want to hunt around for it. I still like getting paper statements from my banks and other institutions, but I’ll need a reasonably secure place to store them.

The only parts remaining are some comfortable chairs and floor mats. I may also buy more LaCie external hard drives (non RAID), complete with rack, for archives. I have a feeling if more pictures and videos get made or stored, I’ll need a lot more than 500GBs.

The entire office setup will be in the northwest corner of the living room. A closet barriers the north wall, with the window in the west. File cabinet is right in the corner, drawers opening inward. The desk abuts next to the cabinet, longer table against the window, bending left for the shorter table to complete the spatial boundaries.

My iMac will be on the long table facing the window, so that the sun doesn’t reflect against the glossy display. Maile’s computer will, of course, be on the short table, keeping her well within arm’s reach so that she can smack me upside the head if I start to digress. I figure the laser printer will be on the connector, provided it can support the 28+ lbs, otherwise I can put it on my side of the desk, or the floor underneath.

Pictures forthcoming once everything is in place!

Today our dining table was delivered and assembled. It’s a solid hardwood table with primavera inlay and cherry veneer, but I don’t know what the “primavera” stands for as far as furniture is concerned. The table was bought at a place called Room Stores Hawaii, which is an outlet store for the main company, CS Wo. However, the table was originally sold by the local branch of Ashley Furniture, which departed Hawaii under “mysterious circumstances.”

New dining table

I don’t know whether or not the table’s origins determined its price, but we seemed to have gotten a pretty good deal on it. For our requirements of a wood table for seating at least 8, with a pedestal base instead of legs on the outside, it seemed like $2,000.00 was the bare minimum. And this is just for the table. We already have a set of 6 chairs (we used to have 8, but my parents took two of them), but if we wanted a whole dining room set, the price would have skyrocketed. For our table, we paid less than $900.00.

I’m sure I could have found something cheaper online, but a dining table is best inspected in-person, so that was out. Craigslist was another option, but browsing there is like going to a flea market, hoping you’d find what you’re looking for.

Our table was actually the second one we looked at. The first was also solid hardwood but with a teak veneer. While the requirements were met, the color was a bit off and didn’t match the chairs we already have. We did fall in love with the table we wound up purchasing, because everything after that either did not look right, or was too expensive.

After delivery and assembly, Maile and I wiped down the table and set the chairs around it. Color coordination seemed perfect, and there was plenty of leg room. It felt like I was playing The Sims, dropping a table in the living room whilst we gather around in Simspeak. If only the rest of the house could be configured Sims-like.

This house is falling apart on me. Not just the house itself, but all manner of items stored within are being victimized by the fickle hand of… well, whatever it is that breaks things.

First there’s the second bathroom. The wall between the tub and the adjoining bedroom is severely damaged, rotten and moldy. The paint appears to be melting, there’s so much rot. And I highly suspect that the little egresses into the bathroom and bedroom are superhighways for the super roaches. Repairing the bathroom would undoubtedly take a significant chunk of change. Add to that the fact that we might as well replace the bathtub with one more suited to actual bathing; that is, one with a sloped end for reclining. The water pressure in the toilet isn’t up to par, and it likes to leave us little “gifts” after every use. As if that wasn’t enough, the faucet leaks.

One of the kitchen lights went out. I replaced the bulbs, but it still didn’t work, and since the rest of the kitchen was operational, the problem probably is in the wiring. Great. Now I need an electrician in here.

One of my glass sake cups fell off the dish rack and broke. It actually fell off twice; the first time it didn’t break, but the second was a hard enough fall that it felt like my teeth came apart.

There’s an old post in the patio, holding up the patio roof. The base of it is rotten, so that has to be replaced.

All of these repairs (sans the sake glass) would require a professional. It’s not something I am skilled enough to tackle, except for maybe the leaking faucet. This means that I might have to take some vacation time so I can let whoever’s doing the work, inside the house. It also means that it will probably be very expensive.

With each breakage, I see a day of our honeymoon slipping away.

I remember the second night of living alone.  My ears were still not accustomed to the sounds of an empty house, and I’m sure sleeping in the master bedroom accounted for a different perspective than where I used to bed.  It still put my body in alert-mode, wondering if the noises I’d hear meant something wicked was afoot.

Just so happened to have woken up at 0015.  I wasn’t sure what jarred me from slumber, but I immediately went silent and started to listen.  I needed to hear if there was a burglar, a ghost, or maybe even cockroaches!  And in that moment of traversing the list of things that could kill me, my ears picked up a strange, haunting note.

It sounded like a very very low whistle.  Or was it the sound of the beating of wings?  A buzzing vibration?  The sound was too clear to be what I figured a ghost would make, and I never heard of a burglar with a portable fan, so it had to be the #1 destroyer of sanities, the cockroach!

My first thought was, “Do cockroaches make noise?”  I heard tales of roach sounds shattering the minds of men, but no one really told me what that noise was (further proof that roaches are a bane to human existence; no one who heard the sound lived to tell).   And in this thought process, I heard it again.

That strange, alien sound.  It was coming from another part of the house, it seemed.  Fainter, yet distinct.  This thing was moving.  It was casing the house, determining the best angle of attack.  Oh, things are going to get dicey.

But I didn’t hear it again.  I turned my head, listened some more.  Nothing.  Uneasy, and a bit creeped out, I went back to sleep.

0145.  Bolted awake.  That sound!  I heard it in my dreams!  Quickly I listened, but it was quiet.  Too quiet.  It had to be a cockroach, or some other strange insect fluttering around my house.  Maybe it was the beating of wings, or maybe it was the chomping of mandibles.  The only thing certain was that it was alive, and it was INSIDE.

It sounded again.  That buzzing noise, that low whistle, echoing above the beating thunder of my heart.  It was close!  It was so distinct, so vivid, that it could come from no other place but in my room!  It was HERE!

…

It was my nose.  Seems my nasal passage congested to the point where every exhale made the boogers vibrate.  My nose was fucking snoring.