Fear the Crab

Coming off the initial examination last month, my dad got some X-ray and ultrasound tests taken last week. Today, he met his doctor in consultation with the latest results.

The prognosis remains the same; the cancer is still isolated to the prostate and has not spread to the surrounding tissue. Surgery is now a distinct possibility, but there is also the option for radiation therapy. My dad will consult with a radiologist sometime soon to get more details.

So now the consideration is whether or not to proceed with surgery or try chemo. The doctor told my dad (who told my mom, who told me) that the consequences of surgery on the prostate include a six-week recovery time, during which my dad cannot have any sort of strenuous activity such as lifting or physical exertion. After recovery, he will likely suffer “leakage” from physical activity. My mom may have stated what sort of leakage would occur, but I don’t think I was paying that close attention. I mean, the fact of leakage alone is enough to give it serious consideration. I guess it depends.

My dad still has to talk to the radiologist as of this point, so we do not know the pros and cons of chemo (which is what I assume the consultation with the radiologist will involve). I suppose once we have all the facts and given thought to life after treatment, my dad can make his decision of which path to pursue.

I told my mom this (and I believe my dad was listening in); whatever facts we acquire regarding treatment, I don’t want my dad’s decision to be based solely on my mother’s care. That is to say, if surgery would mean that he can’t do things like lift my mom out of bed anymore, I don’t want him to scrap that method of treatment simply because he wants to continue lifting my mom out of bed.  We can hire a caregiver or live-in nurse to do those things; it was an option he included in the house design, after all.

I’d rather his decision to pursue treatment be based on his “quality of life” after said treatment. I think he should decide whether he’d prefer feeling tired or whatever people who undergo chemotherapy feel, or if he’d prefer not straining his body with excessive physical activity.  I don’t think, as things are now, he should let the welfare of others take higher precedence over his own.

I’m not saying he should NOT consider my mom’s welfare; I’m just saying it shouldn’t be the determining factor, and it shouldn’t be given the most amount of weight in his decision.

I think it’s high-time we researched into a permanent caregiver to look after my mom, anyway. My dad can still be a part of my mom’s care, but at his stage of life, he shouldn’t be thinking of himself as the only person who can do this stuff. My dad should be enjoying his retirement with my mom and the rest of his family, spending time with people without worrying about giving my mom a bath.